You Had Time – Ani DiFranco
One of my favorite things about Ani DiFranco is that – despite being a huge fan for more than a decade – there are still TONS of her songs that I haven’t really listened to in much detail. When my music goes on shuffle, it is actually pretty common that I’ll hear a song from her and be astonished at how I managed to never realize just how good it is.
This happened again today, hearing “You Had Time” – from the wonderful Out of Range. I’ve apparently listened to it a half-dozen times before (according to iTunes), but never given it my full attention. And oh my what I was missing.
This is one of her most beautiful songs. And I think the reason why is the way it taps into the confusion and wayward longing that characterizes the end of a relationship. When you realize that you still care deeply, but have to face up to the fact that it’s no longer enough. You take time to think it over but in the end there’s no thought behind it all – you want for it not to be over but nevertheless it is. The pain will come later. For now, it’s all an ineffable sense of loss, like there’s a hole in your heart that you can’t quite figure out. When you can feel a heart break and still not even quite know why.
And I think it’s so powerful because it’s really a song about the other person, the one who is waiting at home. Deep in their heart they know it’s over. But when you’re in love, you wait anyway because you just can’t give up. And in a way it hurts even more because she’s so gentle and caring. So all you can do is wait, and then say “what did you do out there, and what did you decide? You said you needed time, and you had time.” But you both already know the answer, and that’s the saddest part.