Alright, here we are at the very bottom. These are the songs that really test the maxim “there’s no such thing as a bad Beatles song.” And while there’s not a song here that I really dislike, even with my absolute love of John, Paul, George, and Ringo, I can still recognize that it might have been better if they had left most of these songs back in the studio.
So, without further ado…
206. Wild Honey Pie from The White Album
So this is the worst Beatles song, but it’s not even really fair to call it that. It’s only a minute long and is more a connector than it is a song in its own right. However, I decided that I would include it, and since I have, it gets the spot at the bottom. That said, it’s not terrible or offensive – it’s just annoying. And while I don’t find it to be particularly pleasant, it’s not like I have to lunge over to hit the skip button (or pick up the needle back in my vinyl days) when “Ob-La-Di Ob-La-Da” finishes, either. The circular feel to the song is even a little interesting. Still, not very good.
205. Boys from Please Please Me
The lowest ranked of their legitimate songs. It almost doesn’t seem fair to poor Ringo to saddle him with the lowest spot. It’s not his fault that he didn’t really have much of a singing voice. And this isn’t a terribly recorded song. The drumming is actually pretty solid. But the backing vocals are a little off, and bop-shoe-op, bop-bop-shoe-op just doesn’t fit on a Beatles song. And the guitar solo is pretty weak. And why is Ringo singing “boys, yeah!” anyways? The rest of the song is about girls. I guess there’s a chance they were working on Gender Trouble a couple decades before Judith Butler…
204. Little Child from With The Beatles
If not for John’s voice, this would easily have been their worst song. The lyrics, good god, the lyrics! Wow. “little child, little child, little child won’t you dance with me, I’m so sad and lonely, baby take a chance with me.” And the harmonica solo is pretty weak. And really there’s just not much positive to say. But John does sing it pretty well, so it’s rescued from being the absolute worst. Just barely.
203. You Know My Name (Look up the Number) from Past Masters, Vol 2
This song is vaguely Monty Python-esque, though it’s not really all that funny. It’s more weird than anything else. It’s yet another song that I don’t hate, but I don’t really have much desire to listen to, either. And since it’s tucked away as the last track on the second Past Masters album, it’s very very easy to avoid it. Given that, it’s almost certainly my least-listened to Beatles song – probably not more than 20 times ever. I would guess virtually every other song is at least in the 60-70 range, if not far, far more.
202. Why Don’t We Do It In The Road? from The White Album
When I first got the White Album as a youngster, this song made me very uncomfortable. I mean, jeez, “why don’t we just do it in the road?” Now that I am older, it doesn’t seem quite as scandalous as it once did, but I can’t really say it does much for me. I do like to hear Paul getting a little down and dirty (if you’ll pardon the pun), and the first two seconds are a pretty neat little drum beat, but I could certainly have lived with a trimmed down White Album that excluded this track.
201. Dizzy Miss Lizzy from Help!
200. Bad Boy from Past Masters, Vol 1
These two songs go together pretty closely in my mind. I used to actively dislike them both (if I had made this list 5 or 6 years ago these would certainly have been the bottom two), but I’ve come around a little bit. Both are covers. Both have the classic John rock-and-roll vocals. Both are pretty tight recordings. And both feature that chiming, piercing guitar that just drives into my skull and makes me hurt a little bit inside. “Dizzy Miss Lizzie” ranks slightly lower simply because of my my anger at its placement on Help!, right after what would have been the perfect album-closer of Yesterday. It really ruins the tender mood and I can’t help but thinking about how jarring it is, even when I listen to it outside of the album context.
199. Revolution 9 from The White Album
I used to hate this track, considering it to be total nonsense gibberish. Then, I had a phase where I convinced myself it was genius. Then I went back to hating it. I’ve settled somewhere in the middle now. I definitely have occasional moments where I really get into it. The pastiche is pretty cool in some places, and it’s definitely interesting if only as a historical artifact. Still, it’s quite a bit to digest, and I really have to be in the mood to be willing to listen to it. — If I was making a list of most significant or interesting Beatles songs, this would probably be quite a bit higher as I really do think it’s compelling as a work of art. It’s just not a song I really have much desire to listen to.
198. One After 909 from Let It Be
This was an old song that they had kicking around for years before it finally showed up on Let It Be. Frankly, I don’t think it would have been missed. It’s pretty innocuous. It’s interesting as an example of a song that would have fit perfectly into their early period played by the 1969 version of the band. So in that sense, it helps you see how they had progressed, but in some ways were coming full circle back to wanting to just play some straighforward rock and roll. But I can’t say it really does much for me other than as a signpost. The version on Let it Be Naked is marginally better and is the only song from that disc that I think is noticeably better than the original.
197. Everybody’s Trying To Be My Baby from Beatles For Sale
196. Honey Don‘t from Beatles For Sale
Two covers from an album full of inessential covers. The Beatles clearly never produced a bad album, but by far the closest they came is Beatles for Sale. They look tired on the album cover, and the music sounds tired. Even the title suggests that they were a little overwhelmed by Beatlemania. For me, these two tracks pretty much exemplify the notion of “inessential Beatles songs.” They aren’t terrible – they just aren’t really that interesting. Ringo and George take the vocals and it isn’t really the finest moment for either, and the music is serviceable but doesn’t really jump out at you. “Honey Don’t” is clearly the better of the two, and probably could have ranked a few slots higher if it wasn’t so easy to just lump them together.
195. Money (That’s What I Want) from With The Beatles
This is one of those songs I’ve always felt like I should like more than I do. It’s a fun little song. And John does good work with the vocals. But, I don’t know. Something seems like it’s missing. There’s no accounting for taste, I guess.
194. Act Naturally from Help!
The last in series of consecutive lowly-ranked covers. It’s a nice little Ringo country-western song. There’s not really anything wrong with it. It just…you know…is kind of boring. Sorry Ringo.
193. Sie Leibt Dich from Past Masters, Vol 1
Well, it’s in German, so that’s interesting, I guess. But “She leibt dich, yeah, yeah, yeah!”? It just sounds goofy.
192. She’s a Woman from Past Masters, Vol 1
“My love don’t give me presents. I know that she’s no peasant.” There. That’s why this song is ranked lowly. I mean, come on Paul. Beyond that, I’ve never liked the strategy of combining the percussion with a single guitar note over and over and over and over and over. They do this on a fair number of songs, but usually there’s enough going on around it to ease the sound. Here, for the whole song, it’s just sitting there in the left channel: whap, whap, whap, whap, whap, until my ears start bleeding. Ick. This is all a shame, because the song behind all of this is perfectly good. I just can’t get over it.
191. Hold Me Tight from With The Beatles
What’s the deal with Paul’s voice on this song? It really does sound like he’s got a cold or something. There’s not really much to say about this one. It’s pretty standard early-sixties fare. Inane lyrics and all. It’s as good as a lot of stuff you’ll hear on the Oldies station, but it stacks up pretty weakly against the rest of the Beatles catalog.
All entries:
Beatles from worst to first 11 (the top 10)
Beatles from worst to first 10 (30-11)
Beatles from worst to first 9 (50-31)
Beatles from worst to first: Interlude
Beatles from worst to first 8 (75-51)
Beatles from worst to first 7 (100-76)
Beatles from worst to first 6 (120-101)
Beatles from worst to first 5 (140-121)
Beatles from worst to first 4 (160-141)
Beatles from worst to first 3 (175-161)
Beatles from worst to first 2 (190-176)
Beatles from worst to first 1 (206-191)
Beatles from worst to first: Introduction
i really like BOYS as a cover because it is a good rocker
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I think Wild Honey Pie is a good pick for worst. I think She’s a Woman is cool gem with an edge to it. I like the lyric that you kind of bashed on that song. It’s abysmal compared to all of Paul’s lyrics but’s its not bad
Generous to Rev. 9
Every now and then I see Rev #9 as an intriguing end (nearly) that fits with the bizareness of the White Album. But most of the time I see it as worthy of #205. Wild Honey Pie is #206. (but on some days it, too, seems in place on the White Album.)
Dig It is the worst.